under-rated.

they said it on espn radio this morning–on the colin cowherd show to be exact, although not by colin but some stand-ins. they were talking about sec football–and how good the conference is, no really–and about lsu leading the west. but whomever–i’m not sure who let the cat out of the bag–said how good both auburn and alabama are going to be and how alabama is simply under-rated. talk ensued about the tide having the best recruiting class and how the verdict is still out as to what the crimson tide coaches will do with all that potential. we’ll see…

under-rated…i knew it.
but we’ll show ‘em, tide…we’ll show ‘em.

believing in the hero.

so i saw it again…
this time on the huge screen at the imax,
this time surrounded by mostly multiple-time viewers (save my friends with whom i went),
this time anticipating what was to come,
this time being more frightened and shocked by scenes…scenes that, stated above, i anticipated,
this time not easily dismissing the violence, the chaos, the terror that stems from systemic evil,
this time leaving more cautious of others around me,
this time being just as affected as last–both akin and variant in fashion.

you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. ~harvey dent.

isn’t that what we want to become…a hero? a hero in our own lives, or if not our own, in someone else’s?
don’t we all yearn to make a difference–a huge difference in this world at large, or in someone else’s world?
isn’t there just the slightest drive in our subconscious to be a superhero–to somehow defy humanity, becoming super-human?

yet, sometimes in our attempts to be the hero, to make a difference, to be the superhero, we make decisions that adversely affect others.
we make unwise choices.
we sacrifice the wrong things for what we think is right.
and in our attempt to become a hero, we become a detriment to others…the villain, if you will.

it’s within us all…
the capacity to become the hero, the capacity to become the villain.
the capacity to live rewarding lives, the capacity to destroy those in our path…or left in our wake.
the capacity to win, the capacity to lose while trying.

as bruce wayne affirms in the beginning, “i believe in harvey dent,” so we all want to believe in harvey dent.
we all want to believe that we can, in some sense, be harvey dent.
we all believe that we can become the hero we long to be.
we all believe that we can change humanity for good.
we all believe that we can make the right choice when forced to decide.
we all believe that we can choose our own luck, in harvey dent fashion…or make the best of what is chosen for us.

and maybe we can…
maybe we can be the hero, instead of what exists on the flip side.

citywalk.

all i knew is that we were going to see the dark knight…at the imax. when i asked betsy where, she replied at universal studios or studio city–or something to that effect.


clueless…clueless that we were actually going to, like she said, universal studios–my first venture there. where we went to see the movie, however is universal studios citywalk, located just outside the actual studios. it is a bit touristy–of course it is, it is just outside the studios–but well worth visiting.

shops, restaurants, lights, advertisements.
the stuff of hollywood,
the stuff of entertainment,
the stuff of L.A. culture.

a second time?

ok, think i will…this time at the iMAX.

packing up and moving on.

packing…packing…packing.

this is how i’ve spent my day off.
deciding what to give away, what to keep.
packing for travel, packing for storage.
talking to moving companies, and having others hang up on me.
talking to dad and anne to make sure we all know what will be shipped from alabama to join me here.
more fun times to come…

who knew you could use 290 square feet so resourcefully in storing…stuff?
who knew just how much packing tape could be used to pack up 290 square feet?
who knew my apartment could look so disheveled?
who knew 290 square feet could become such a home?

maybe with deciding on a moving company and finishing packing in the next few days, i can actually concentrate on finding a new location to call home.

journey to real living.

a story of a woman on a journey…a journey to 3 different countries in her effort “to find balance” (page1).
a story of self-discovery…a discovery of who she has been in past relationships with men and who she is outside of such relationships.
a story of finding pleasure, of finding peace, of finding love, of finding herself.

but toni morrison made her own path, and i must make mine. the bhagavad gita–that ancient indian yogic text says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly that to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection. so now i have started living my own life. imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly. ~page95.

gilbert’s quest became just that.
she began to live her own life…to engage in activities for the sheer pleasure of them, to take responsibility and live her own life as best she could.
she put behind other’s and her own expectations,
other’s and her own demands,
other’s and her own fears,
other’s and her own limitations,
other’s and her own past.

as her time in italy–her first traveling venture–comes to a close, gilbert reflects,

…i have put on weight. i exist more now than i did four months ago. i will leave italy noticeably bigger than when i arrived here. and i will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person–the magnification of one life–is indeed an act of worth in this world. even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own. ~page116.

i’m hoping i can say this of myself, say this as i approach leaving one “country” and moving on to another.
i’m hoping i leave this place–seminary, koinonia, pasadena–noticeably bigger than when i arrived 32 months ago.

and eventually, i’m hoping i can say,

i think about the woman i have become lately, about the life that i am now living, and about how much i always wanted to be this person and live this life, liberated from the farce of pretending to be anyone other than myself. ~page329.

…sooner, rather than later.

never stop.

it seems that you never stop being a youth minister,
a guide,
a road map for others who seem to have lost their way,
a sounding board,
a listening ear,
a voice of truth,
a voice of reason,
a voice of assurance.

whether on facebook, via email, over the phone, or in person, you never stop being that which you have been in someone else’s life–or at least i can’t…
and they never stop being what they have been in your own.

i must continue to question alisa…and have her question me.
i must continue to sit with hayden, even as she sits with me…haven’t we struggled through this same season before?

27 Whatever happens, as citizens of heaven live in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together with one accord for the faith of the gospel 28 without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. 29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, 30 since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have. ~philippians 1.27-30

i must continue to encourage rach towards being FAT…although it seems she does even more for me in this regards.
i must continue to wrestle in the depths with carrie…even more as our lives have veered from the path we had set forth.
i must continue to seek and search alongside jeff, who asks many of the same questions as i.
i must continue to dream with kody as he challenges me to expect more from god than i would have on my own.
i must continue to pray with a.e., who confidently reminds me of this sure foundation.

i must continue.
i must continue to be what i have been in these lives…
as they continue to be what they have been in my own.

the after-wedding party.

bottled coca-colas, in-and-out, red velvet cupcakes…what more could one desire at a celebration?

the soul train “posers”.

friends with whom to share the celebration.

paul doing the twist–barely getting back up again.

be to one another.

i attended a wedding yesterday…on a friday evening.
i had never been to a wedding on anything but saturday…and i had never attended a wedding quite like this one.
it was in the family life center.
it was in the round.
the ceremony was on the dance floor, the dinner tables surrounding.

being in the round and in close proximity to the ceremony, one could not help but feel a part of what was going on. one could not help but engage…
engage in the expressions,
engage in the vows,
engage in the shared moments,
engage in the tears,
engage in the smiles,
engage in the nervousness,
engage in the words spoken,
engage in the rings given.

be to one another that which christ has been to you…
if christ has been forgiving, then forgive one another.
if christ has been loving, then love one another.
if christ has been gracious, then be gracious with one another…

and the list went on.
this stuck out to me.
forgive, love, grace…just like christ has been to us.
bestow these on another…on others.
words i will not soon forget. words i dare not fail to live out.

westside venture.

today was the first of maybe several trips to the westside in search of a place to call home. i was in no condition emotionally to go on tuesday—my other day off—but thankfully jena offered to go with me today. i needed a friend with whom to share the ride, to record numbers and addresses, and to have encouraging conversation along the way. it was good to have a listening and supportive ear to talk over the possibilities of the future.

along the way—it always seems to be along the way whenever i venture to santa monica—i had to check out the progress of the store on montana avenue. this time, however, i met ken—the man in charge of the progress—and got a little peak inside.

as with all ventures outside of pasadena, numerous photo ops presented themselves…and provided sites along the way.